Dear America, Land of Snot that is Green, Left Handed Scissors, and Toilet Paper that I Don't Have to Ration and Trade like Cigarettes in a Minimum Security Prison,
I believe our story last paused with the promise of creepy mermaid babies, so in the style of an infuriating multiple episode TV special (i.e. Kurt and Blaine's will-they-won't-they relationship in TV's ridiculous, mildly nonsensical hit series Glee), I'm going to develop another plot (and probably leave it with a similarly infuriating cliffhanger) before continuing with cliffhanger at hand.
I have my first Human Rights test on Monday (maybe. I haven't actually seen the professor in a week or two, and he never announced the test in class, but it seems to be happening according to the vague powers of India). Human Rights, if you will remember, is one of the courses which required a month long Lord of the Rings quest to obtain the syllabus. I had originally thought that was going to be a Mordor-capital-letter-Q-Quest, but it turns out it was just a get-to-Rivendell-there-are-actually-still-two-and-a-half-movies-left-in-this-journey-including-elephant-fights-mini-quest, as after I did obtain the reading list I discovered that it encompassed not a list of 8 required readings paired with the lecture dates which would supplement my obscure-accented professor, but a list of a million bajillion "recommended reading," none of which were available in the library or the campus book store or the random book truck that sometimes parks outside of the campus shopping complex (Dear America, why don't we have book trucks?). Anyway, through an intensive search montage, I deduced that a few of the articles were available at the Center for Distance Education, an conveniently unlabeled academic building somewhere on campus. However, after another search montage I discovered that this was not the Center for Distance Learning that contained books. The cryptic man at the desk informed me that I would have to traverse to the Golden Threshold for that. Upon returning to my professor, the sage, Mr. Miyagi character (with equally veiled advice that only makes sense at the end of the movie and equally inscrutable accent) of this story, I found out that another book was more closely within my reach. His assitant would make a copy and I could pick it up tomorrow. So I temporarily abandoned Indiana Jones and the Gold Threshold, and returned the next day to find that the assistant was not there and that Mr. Miyagi would not be returning until the date of the maybe-test. With my new book title I ventured into town via 6 different forms of transportation, and checked 3 different major book stores, each deeper into the concrete/garbage/beautiful temples/amusingly mispelled English billboard jungle of Hyderabad. The third store finally had it. However, it did not have an cataloguing system so the two store employees procured it for me after half an hour of checking every single title of every shelf in the store. So I am now in possession of Amartya Sen's Argumentative Indian, a book that is not about human rights. But what will happen next for our hero? Will Mr. Miyagi ever return? Will the maybe-test actually occur? Will she ever obtain a book related to human rights? Tune in next time!
Now on to the creepy mermaid baby. Unfortunately I couldn't get a picture because I was concerned that displaying it on the internet might have the same effect as a Gorgon, but here is the tapestry that was displayed next to the moonlit mermaid baby tapestry in the eating establishment my travel buddies and I went to in Hampi after our Hanuman mountain adventure:
Yes, friends, Hampi is hippy Mecca. Dreadlocked, silly Ali Baba pants sporting, "authentic wooden Indian flute that I bartered with a craftsman on the street corner for," drug induced spiritual journey having, foreigners lined the streets of Hampi, and it was glorious. (I do not mean to rip people having spiritual journeys and other backpackers. There were just too many stereotypes in one place). In addition to the creepy mermaid and psychedelic mushroom nymphs, the cafe also had a Dali tapestry, hammocks (each containing its own respective obscure instrument playing occupant emitting an array of different smokes), and the chillest of chill annoying hippy music with redundant guitar chords and lyrics about enlightenment. It was the best lunch ever. Unfortunately, after our morning of hiking through various hottest-part-of-the-days, two of my travel companions got sick from what we think was heat exhaustion. So I spent the rest of the day generally wandering and purchasing Ali Baba pants. (Ali Baba pants are the extremely silly, voliminous pants that people often associate with India because everyone in Alladin, which does not take place in India, wears them. I have never seen an Indian wear them, but merchants in Hampi know that tourists love them, and I must say, they rank pretty high on the delightful-o-meter.) Then next morning we had breakfast on our hostel's rooftop cafe, where the manager played one of his favorite Hindi songs, which repeats the same two lines 101 times. I know because I asked him. Then he played it again. My two travel buddies were still feeling sick, so just Travel Buddy Denise and I set out to see the rest of the temples. We talked to several of the rickshaw drivers on our walk down the road, who fondly remembered us as the girls who walk everywhere (because we're too cheap to take a rickshaw). Some little kids approached us, so we were talking to them, and then their parents came and invited us into this open building... which turned out to be a wedding. It was awesome. Everyone was really excited to see us, they fed us, they showed us around the adjoining temple, they were just generally super nice, and they even invited us to come back later for lunch.
So after that we saw checked out the rest of the temples, did more general wandering, purchased the world's tiniest bananas, and sat in one place for a very long time (this sounds like it would be really boring, but it's actually one of the best parts of traveling, especially when you are obviously foreign. So many people come up to talk to you. One of the traveling instrument salesmen, came up to me and started pulling every manner of random thing out of his magical Harry Potter bag, and when I told him I wasn't going to buy anything he stayed and talked to me about music anyway. Then showed me how to build this weird quacking ocarina instrument out of wax and a dried up plant rind.) So excellent trip, my only minor complaint being the ride home. We got an overnight bus. Whenever I book an overnight bus I always forget that I'm booking an overnight bus in India, which means that it is more than likely that the bus will have a very loud dying cockatoo horn which the driver beeps very often and unneccessarily.
Other news from this week: I finally found a frisbee team! They seem really cool, and there might be a tournament in Kodaicanal (the cloud city) in a few weeks, so I'm very excited. I jumped onto a rapidly accelating bus, the only proper way to enter a bus in India, so Operation Assimilate is going along nicely. Also, I like califlower now (I'm becoming different and worldly).
I believe our story last paused with the promise of creepy mermaid babies, so in the style of an infuriating multiple episode TV special (i.e. Kurt and Blaine's will-they-won't-they relationship in TV's ridiculous, mildly nonsensical hit series Glee), I'm going to develop another plot (and probably leave it with a similarly infuriating cliffhanger) before continuing with cliffhanger at hand.
I have my first Human Rights test on Monday (maybe. I haven't actually seen the professor in a week or two, and he never announced the test in class, but it seems to be happening according to the vague powers of India). Human Rights, if you will remember, is one of the courses which required a month long Lord of the Rings quest to obtain the syllabus. I had originally thought that was going to be a Mordor-capital-letter-Q-Quest, but it turns out it was just a get-to-Rivendell-there-are-actually-still-two-and-a-half-movies-left-in-this-journey-including-elephant-fights-mini-quest, as after I did obtain the reading list I discovered that it encompassed not a list of 8 required readings paired with the lecture dates which would supplement my obscure-accented professor, but a list of a million bajillion "recommended reading," none of which were available in the library or the campus book store or the random book truck that sometimes parks outside of the campus shopping complex (Dear America, why don't we have book trucks?). Anyway, through an intensive search montage, I deduced that a few of the articles were available at the Center for Distance Education, an conveniently unlabeled academic building somewhere on campus. However, after another search montage I discovered that this was not the Center for Distance Learning that contained books. The cryptic man at the desk informed me that I would have to traverse to the Golden Threshold for that. Upon returning to my professor, the sage, Mr. Miyagi character (with equally veiled advice that only makes sense at the end of the movie and equally inscrutable accent) of this story, I found out that another book was more closely within my reach. His assitant would make a copy and I could pick it up tomorrow. So I temporarily abandoned Indiana Jones and the Gold Threshold, and returned the next day to find that the assistant was not there and that Mr. Miyagi would not be returning until the date of the maybe-test. With my new book title I ventured into town via 6 different forms of transportation, and checked 3 different major book stores, each deeper into the concrete/garbage/beautiful temples/amusingly mispelled English billboard jungle of Hyderabad. The third store finally had it. However, it did not have an cataloguing system so the two store employees procured it for me after half an hour of checking every single title of every shelf in the store. So I am now in possession of Amartya Sen's Argumentative Indian, a book that is not about human rights. But what will happen next for our hero? Will Mr. Miyagi ever return? Will the maybe-test actually occur? Will she ever obtain a book related to human rights? Tune in next time!
Now on to the creepy mermaid baby. Unfortunately I couldn't get a picture because I was concerned that displaying it on the internet might have the same effect as a Gorgon, but here is the tapestry that was displayed next to the moonlit mermaid baby tapestry in the eating establishment my travel buddies and I went to in Hampi after our Hanuman mountain adventure:
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| I named the scary imp on the left, Strawberry. He is a vegan and uses yoga to levitate. |
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| Part of the wedding. Something with rice (I'm not really sure what. The people I asked only spoke Canada... that's the mother language of Karnataka, not our friendly neighbors to the north ) |
Other news from this week: I finally found a frisbee team! They seem really cool, and there might be a tournament in Kodaicanal (the cloud city) in a few weeks, so I'm very excited. I jumped onto a rapidly accelating bus, the only proper way to enter a bus in India, so Operation Assimilate is going along nicely. Also, I like califlower now (I'm becoming different and worldly).
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